Rating: 3 / 5
"The only real horror is that there is no horror left."
Playmates Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt star in The Telling, which I believe to be a large contributing factor of why people watch this movie. Not that it's bad, but I mean...Come on. They're hot. We start of with your typical college party: kids at a pool, getting wasted and fooling around. A dumpy, plain girl, Brianna, is strolling through and is insulted by the Head Bitch (Madison). She runs away crying, into the pool house. A couple follow soon after, looking to make with the boom boom, and they find the girl - dead. She is sitting underneath a mirror which reads "You made me do this." In her hands is a bottle of alcohol, and a bottle of pills. It's sad, I suppose, but I really can feel no sympathy for this girl. I know it sucks getting bullied, especially by people that you look up to and aspire to be like. But committing suicide because they don't want you in their sorority? That's a bit extreme and a lot dumb as shit. So excuse me when I don't feel sorry for her. Anyhow, following the discovery of the girl, we have the typical boo-hooing mother.
Cut to one year later, and the sorority is looking for new pledges. There are three girls up for the job, if you want to call it that. With the tragedy from the past year, the school has demanded that the sorority stop being such shallow bitches and actually look into what type of people they are, rather than how big their tits are. So, Head Bitch decides to have a little story-telling session. She likes horror, and whoever can tell the scariest story wins.
Story # 1
Lily is living with her boyfriend, Tommy. Tommy's ex-girlfriend, Sarah, returns to the states from England, and he lets her stay with them until she can get on her feet. They find a doll that is pretty creepy. It's obvious it's been in the trash for a while: matted hair, eyeball rolling around in the socket, dirty dress...blah blah blah. The doll talks in a weird, almost robotic voice, and says things like "I love you," and "We can be beeessst friends." The typical doll things to say. But after a while, the doll develops a larger vocabulary. Turns out, when she says "I love you" to Tommy, she actually means it. And Sarah isn't the one that Lily needs to be worrying about. When the doll first tells Lily, "I think I'll have him all to myself," she believes that Sarah has put a radio in the doll, to mess with her. The doll keeps saying things like this, and Lily goes a bit nutzo. She's so out-there, though, that it turns something that could be quite frightening into something utterly hilarious. While she's in the bath, she hears a strange noise downstairs. She goes to investigate and - surprise surprise - Sarah is dead in the kitchen. Lily finds little bitty doll-prints in Sarah's blood, and she follows them to the television set. She grabs the doll angrily, and she is electrocuted. Hearing the screams, Tommy rushes downstairs to find the two girls. The doll then says, "I hope they allow conjugal visits where you're going." Ha-ha. Ha-ha. So, really, this one ends up being more funny than anything. It's not a bad thing, but I'm not quite sure that's what they were going for. The pledge who is telling the story informs us that Tommy was, indeed, put away for life.
Story # 2
Story # 3
We return to the sorority house, and they have chosen their new members: two girls who look just like them. They will not allow the "normal" girls into their sorority, of course. Suddenly, they start feeling ill. They believe it to be caused by bad wine, but one of the pledges assures them that it's probably the poison. The girl has poisoned some cookies, in order to avenge her sister, Brianna. Even though Brianna committed suicide for a really dumbshit reason, this girl blames the sorority bitches. She has set it up to look like a group suicide. She's written suicide notes via text messages and even e-mailed the girls' families. She exits the sorority house and lets Boo-hooing Mother know that their job is done.
This movie wasn't wonderfully made, but I enjoyed it. I'm not really sure why...Maybe it was all the hot women. So that is my advice to you. If you're interested in seeing some smokin' babes, then check it out. Otherwise, meh - take or leave it.